Threewolves
Member
I am not looking for a pity party. I am looking for advice on how others have dealt with the death of a loved one. PM’s would be fine.
The situation: It has been over 30 days since my son-law was tragically killed in horrific traffic accident. I probably could not have asked this any earlier.
I had just gotten home from work around 1145 pm when my daughter called asked me to come over because the coroner was there.
He was coming home from work around 2030 driving south bound I-5. An older couple had entered the wrong way on a I-5 exit, driving north bound into the on coming the south bound I-5 traffic. They had traveled over two miles side swiping some other vehicle, before crashing head on with my son-law’s vehicle. He was trapped in his vehicle(unconscious, dying or already dead, it does not matter now he is gone). People said they tried to get him out. The vehicle burst in to flames and he was burned beyond recognition. According the paper the old couple was taking to a local hospital with minor injuries.
I was still at my daughters house in the morning when the kids (two boys 9,7 and a girl, 5) got up and my daughter told them that daddy was in a really bad car accident last night, he didn’t make it, he died, he is not coming home and he got hurt so bad we don’t get to see him.
They stayed over at my place that night and when my oldest grandson was saying his prayers he said God I can not for give you right now for taking my dad. Thank you for not letting him suffer.
A friend was over talking to my wife the following day. The picture of the crash was on the front page. My grand daughter had been hanging around the fringe of the conversations. My neighbor leaves, my wife goes out back and I walk in. My grand daughter asks to see the paper I hand her one off the counter and she says no, the one on top to the refrigerator. I could see what it was. I said I need to call you Mommy first, then thought about it and showed it to her. I was thinking and hoping the picture would help them understand the accident. She looked at it and said her brothers would want to see it and ran off to get them. I (late) then called my daughter and she said no. I explained my thinking and that I had shown my grand daughter and she said OK. The boys looked at it then came back and looked at it a couple of more times.
At the services my oldest grandson( tearfully, he just turned 9 in August) got up and spoke he said he would give all this things away and would never ask for anything else if he could have his daddy back. Kids on his soccer team wore their uniforms and so did the scouts. My son had made a DVD with picture, film clips and music. After the fifth time I could watch it without getting to tearful. I had to do that because I knew it would be playing before I got up to speak. Thankfully, when it was playing in church people were laughing at parts and that helped me feel better
My son-law he is a great guy, in addition to being my daughter’s husband he was my sons best friend. He was an assistant Cub Scout leader (he had just gotten my grand sons in to shooting BB guns). He coached kid’s soccer. He played soccer on two different leagues and was trying to get on a third. He would come home from work and wrestle with the kids, they all loved it. He has been hiking up in the high country with me. He has even helped me pack elk out.
The first week went by as they say in the blink of an eye. The second week was just a blur. It is strange I can go outside and the whole world it going. There is just this one piece that is missing. To me it seems like he just vanished. My son say he just thinks about him being at work. Another neighbor said try not to think about it. I realize that it is done, it is final and that there is nothing that can be done about that part. There is a lot to do in the future myself and my son will step up to help out. I think about my grand kid growing up without a daddy and it is heart breaking. I know to be thankful for the time we have had together and to look forward to the time in the future. We have memories. It is tuff trying to make sense of it, because it does not make sense, what are the chances, the odds, the probability of this car traveling two miles the wrong way missing everyone else and killing my son-law?
I just don’t remember the feelings being this bad when my Dad, mother in-law and father in-law passed away. Their deaths were expected, his was truly in the blink of an eye. There are things in this universe that we may never understand now or ever. It may just be this is what is. It is what it is. I have read that you never really get over it, you just learn to live with it. Thanks
The situation: It has been over 30 days since my son-law was tragically killed in horrific traffic accident. I probably could not have asked this any earlier.
I had just gotten home from work around 1145 pm when my daughter called asked me to come over because the coroner was there.
He was coming home from work around 2030 driving south bound I-5. An older couple had entered the wrong way on a I-5 exit, driving north bound into the on coming the south bound I-5 traffic. They had traveled over two miles side swiping some other vehicle, before crashing head on with my son-law’s vehicle. He was trapped in his vehicle(unconscious, dying or already dead, it does not matter now he is gone). People said they tried to get him out. The vehicle burst in to flames and he was burned beyond recognition. According the paper the old couple was taking to a local hospital with minor injuries.
I was still at my daughters house in the morning when the kids (two boys 9,7 and a girl, 5) got up and my daughter told them that daddy was in a really bad car accident last night, he didn’t make it, he died, he is not coming home and he got hurt so bad we don’t get to see him.
They stayed over at my place that night and when my oldest grandson was saying his prayers he said God I can not for give you right now for taking my dad. Thank you for not letting him suffer.
A friend was over talking to my wife the following day. The picture of the crash was on the front page. My grand daughter had been hanging around the fringe of the conversations. My neighbor leaves, my wife goes out back and I walk in. My grand daughter asks to see the paper I hand her one off the counter and she says no, the one on top to the refrigerator. I could see what it was. I said I need to call you Mommy first, then thought about it and showed it to her. I was thinking and hoping the picture would help them understand the accident. She looked at it and said her brothers would want to see it and ran off to get them. I (late) then called my daughter and she said no. I explained my thinking and that I had shown my grand daughter and she said OK. The boys looked at it then came back and looked at it a couple of more times.
At the services my oldest grandson( tearfully, he just turned 9 in August) got up and spoke he said he would give all this things away and would never ask for anything else if he could have his daddy back. Kids on his soccer team wore their uniforms and so did the scouts. My son had made a DVD with picture, film clips and music. After the fifth time I could watch it without getting to tearful. I had to do that because I knew it would be playing before I got up to speak. Thankfully, when it was playing in church people were laughing at parts and that helped me feel better
My son-law he is a great guy, in addition to being my daughter’s husband he was my sons best friend. He was an assistant Cub Scout leader (he had just gotten my grand sons in to shooting BB guns). He coached kid’s soccer. He played soccer on two different leagues and was trying to get on a third. He would come home from work and wrestle with the kids, they all loved it. He has been hiking up in the high country with me. He has even helped me pack elk out.
The first week went by as they say in the blink of an eye. The second week was just a blur. It is strange I can go outside and the whole world it going. There is just this one piece that is missing. To me it seems like he just vanished. My son say he just thinks about him being at work. Another neighbor said try not to think about it. I realize that it is done, it is final and that there is nothing that can be done about that part. There is a lot to do in the future myself and my son will step up to help out. I think about my grand kid growing up without a daddy and it is heart breaking. I know to be thankful for the time we have had together and to look forward to the time in the future. We have memories. It is tuff trying to make sense of it, because it does not make sense, what are the chances, the odds, the probability of this car traveling two miles the wrong way missing everyone else and killing my son-law?
I just don’t remember the feelings being this bad when my Dad, mother in-law and father in-law passed away. Their deaths were expected, his was truly in the blink of an eye. There are things in this universe that we may never understand now or ever. It may just be this is what is. It is what it is. I have read that you never really get over it, you just learn to live with it. Thanks
