News From Around The World

Stu Farish

Director / Webmaster
Staff member
Some intersting tidbits that my sister sent me yesterday, thought I'd share:

1 - When his ...38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended
victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder: he peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. Happily for most concerned, this time it
worked.

2 - Laborer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama, redefined the limits
of tactlessness when he opened his eyes after surgery to restore his
sight and said agreeably to his wife: 'Boy, you sure have got fat in
four years'

3 - The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one
of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost
a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

4 - Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Rumania,
were naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly leapt from her
coffin as it was being carried to the grave. Before they could react to
this unexpected outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road,
where she was run over and killed by a passing car.

5 - An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be
attacked by killer bees as he stood on the bank of the Amazon. Seeking
refuge, he leapt into the river -- and was devoured by piranha fish.

6 - A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather coconuts from
trees demonstrated a pressing need for a refresher course when it leapt
onto the shoulders of a passerby in Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist his
head off. The man was treated at a local hospital for a sprained neck.

7 - In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth was charged
with beating up his fifteen-year-old wife after the latter hid the caps
to his toy pistol.

8 - A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. [Understandably], he shot her dead.

9 - After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered
everyone in the queue a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to
the mental hospital, telling staff that the patients were very excitable and
prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

10 - In Minneapolis, USA, 28 year old Derrick L Richardson has been
charged with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin, Ken E
Richardson. According to local police, Derrick had suggested to Ken that
they play a game of Russian Roulette, but, having no revolver, instead
put a semiautomatic pistol to his cousin's head. Apparently, he did not
realize that one bullet always loads into the firing chamber of a
semiautomatic.

11 - Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row from having a
last cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their health.

12 - An American teenager was in hospital yesterday recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked
about how he received the injuries, the lad told the police that he was
simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train
before he was hit.

13 - Thrash-happy judges in Saudi Arabia have sentenced a Filipino man
to 75 lashes for possession of alcohol -- after he was caught with two
chocolate liqueurs at an airport.

14 - Following the initiatives of the Afghan Taliban government -- which
has banned kite-flying, TV watching and wearing white socks - Iran is
also cracking down on its more decadent citizens. Ayatollah Mohammed
Yadzi has decreed that dog walking is to be made illegal, saying that
taking dogs out onto the streets was 'a public insult,' as it was a
blind imitation of Westerners.

15. A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her
an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen
abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Gimmee a break
lady! Your daughter is pregnant." The mother turned red with fury and
she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would
never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor
faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became
enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying
attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just
that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three
wise men came. I was hoping they would show up again and help me
figure out who got your daughter pregnant.



------------------
"When They turn the pages of history,
When these days have passed long ago.

Will they read about us in sorrow,
for the seeds that we let grow?" - RUSH, "A Farewell To Kings"
 
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