Colorado Considers Bill to Ban Sasquatch Use of Legalized Marijuana

hm1996

Moderator
Staff member
Hey, they got pictures, its gotta be true!
Maybe they should outlaw use of marijuana by hunters, ya think?


Quote:
Colorado: Hunter claims he was sexually assaulted by a sasquatch




Darrel Whitaker, from Glenwood Springs in Colorado, claims a sasquatch attacked him and attempted to rape him while he was walking in the woods.

The 57-year old man was walking to his hunting cabin on Sunday, to see if it had suffered any damage during the winter.

All of a sudden, a large “gorilla-like” creature dropped from a tree in front of him punched him in the face.


“It was at least 8-foot tall and it’s punches hurt like [beeep]! I was knocked right out at the first blow!”

While Mr. Whitaker was trying to recover from the attack, the large humanoid creature began to tear his clothes while letting out some terrifying howls.


“When I regained consciousness, he had already torn my pants and was tearing through my underwear. I stabbed him in the shoulder with my hunting knife, and that made him run away.”

Mr. Whitaker immediately reported the attack to both the Glenwood Springs Police Department (GSPD) and the Colorado Parks and Wildlife agency, and a joint investigation has been launched.



bigfootprint
Investigators found some extremely large footprints on the site, which they believe are those of the aggressor.

Darrel Whitaker is convinced that the creature who attacked him was a sasquatch, but the GSPD investigators say it’s more probable that the attacker is simply a particularly large and hairy man.

They are currently interrogating nearby residents to see if anyone noticed an individual corresponding to the description of the suspect.

According to the victim, the attacker measure around 8-foot tall and is extremely hairy. He has brown hair, dark brown eyes and extremely large feet.

If you possess any information concerning the suspect, please contact the Glenwood Springs Police Department or the Colorado Parks and Wildlife agency.

http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/colorado-hunter-claims-he-was-sexually-assaulted-by-a-sasquatch/

Regards,
hm
 
Dang, things must be getting tough out there in the wild. He kept referring to the Squatch as "him or he", so now it looks like there's a gay Squatch out there if he was sexually assaulted!
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Originally Posted By: SixsixtyMagsDang, things must be getting tough out there in the wild. He kept referring to the Squatch as "him or he", so now it looks like there's a gay Squatch out there if he was sexually assaulted!
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Or maybe the squach identifies as a female????
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Regards,
hm
 
Yeah, John, I noticed that, too. Also the loose dirt neatly arranged along the left side of the track.
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Hey, is anyone else having trouble seeing imbedded videos? I tried posting one in humor thread and it came up black square. Also, I cannot see Jeremy's imbeds; just a black square??

I've cleaned cookies and cache, still no cigar.

ETA: I can use properties of the "black hole" and open proper youtube video, however. That is an interesting clip!

Regards,
hm
 
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It was awfully nice of bigfoot to plant his foot cleanly in the middle of a freshly disturbed patch if dirt, carefully sculpt around his individual, mis-shapen toes, and not roll onto the ball of his foot while he walked. Exactly like nothing on feet has ever done ever.

Know why tracking is so hard? I guess because you're not tracking such considerate animals.
 
You seriously have to wonder about that state, it's getting weirder than California! Gay Sasquatches, smoking marijuana, and raping poor unsuspecting hunters... Sounds like a liberal ploy to try and baffle the poor uneducated rednecks into giving up their guns and not chooting at the little animals.


Originally Posted By: hm1996Thanks Stu. May have to change browsers; google has become a pain!

Regards,
hm


Google and all it's variants... Have Commodo Dragon on my computer as second/third web browser, and it uses the Google Browser Engine, cannot even open Craigslist on the SOB. Won't allow it to open because the server isn't secure, and if you go to Advanced mode and force it to open anyhow, it breaks all the tables in page layout and I get a string of text and links down the left side of the page only. PAIN IN THE ASSSS!
 
Originally Posted By: Infidel 762I think this guys story is BS. I do find this analysis of the Patterson footage interesting



I saw this a while ago. His "expertise" in human physiology is laughable. My first thought, holy [beeep] i might be bigfoot! But in rare shaved form.

Know whose arms are too long? Mine. In rock climbers terms i have a positive ape index, close to 10% personaly. It helped tremendously in climbing because know whose legs are too short for his torso? Me again. If my legs were the correct length I wouldn't have spent my early life always being in the front row of school photos. Know whose shoulders are wider than they're supposed to be for my height? Crap, me AGAIN! Every time I've been measured for a tux i get to watch someone who uses a tape several times a day look at the numbers, say "that can't be right, here try this", followed by "relax your shoulders" and finally "STOP STOP STOP" as the stitches start ripping out.

When i say "believe your tape" I'm speaking from experience.

Footprint length? I'm close to 5 inches taller apparently. Pretty much any measurement he chooses to use, I'm bigfoot. Just a short one, without the hair, and wearing asics.

As soon as he starts making assumptions based on his generic "actor" he's making [beeep] up. Know who actually measures the same as his average actor? Almost nobody. You may be average height, but odds are that's it. How you got to average height is a whole lot of variables. That's why clothing is sold in different sizes and not just "pants, size man".

The determined steady pace with no slowing as he's looking at something he just noticed or speeding up as he's startled and fleeing to the woods is a person on take 15 in front of a camera. The flat footed gait isn't a natural walk, its sometone in a costume trying not to fall.

And anyone saying "you can see muscles" moving under the fur in that grainy, shaky, intentionally crap footage would probably get mighty upset if you can't see the bunny in the cloud he's pointing at.


And his math todetermine height based on the gospel distance of 100 feet between him and bigfoot. Show me any 1 person who in a moment of near panic can correctly visually measure exactly 100 feet and ill show you either a liar or someone who was out there with a measuring tape, and is still lying to you.
 
I read Bill Munn's book, this man has real experience in, film, editing, production, camera lens science, costume fabrication, special effects and now CGI special effects.
He had no dog in this hunt, he saw the film in the early seventies, and heard many people critiquing the film and disparaging it. Remember the creature was filmed by Roger Patterson and Bob Gimlin on October 20 1967. The best special effects of the day just came out in the first "Planet of the Apes" Movie, go watch and look how laughable they are..


Munn thought who better to look at this film than he, he also has a first generation copy of the film he acquired from Roger Patterson's widow.

Forget the Pacific North West!! East Texas, Arkansas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Kentucky, Tennessee, are ground zero.
I would bet there are at least 10 people on here who have encountered something in the woods.
But they will never admit it because some people will never believe them. Yep, tell a man who has spent his life in the woods and knows every animal, "hey you just saw a 9'-0 tall bear"..

P.S. I was only responding to Infidels, posting of Bill Munns vid. The Colorado stuff is a waste of time..
 
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I find it interesting that every "hunter" that runs into one of these things conveniently has some kind of gun/ammunition malfunction that allows this critter to attack and get away.

Now I have seen coyotes shift gears into warp drive in about .01 seconds, but a thing as big as this? Even as big a stride as it is supposed to have, a half way decent hunter should have been able to drop it. But these folks can get close enough to see what it is, identify it, have some kind of sexual tryst with it and it magically gets away 100% of the time?

Must be some GOOOOOOOD pot out there in Colorado. Or lack of oxygen...
 
Originally Posted By: SnowmanMoI find it interesting that every "hunter" that runs into one of these things conveniently has some kind of gun/ammunition malfunction that allows this critter to attack and get away.

Now I have seen coyotes shift gears into warp drive in about .01 seconds, but a thing as big as this? Even as big a stride as it is supposed to have, a half way decent hunter should have been able to drop it. But these folks can get close enough to see what it is, identify it, have some kind of sexual tryst with it and it magically gets away 100% of the time?

Must be some GOOOOOOOD pot out there in Colorado. Or lack of oxygen...

"I was knocked right out at the first blow!”

First fatal flaw in his story. Any strike capable of making a grown man lose consciousness leaves injury and damage behind. It's not like the movies where you get kicked in the face by Mr. Judo master, get up and say something witty. No bruising, no swelling, no evidence of injury, nothing happened.

"I stabbed him in the shoulder with my hunting knife,"

Second fatal flaw in his story. How many things (living organic things) can you name that you can stab in the shoulder with a knife, and leave no evidence of injury? No blood, no blood trail, no hair on the knife etc? How many times have you field dressed an animal and had a perfectly clean knife after the first cut?
 
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