Aircraft Problems & Solutions

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Bigscot

New member
Subject: FW: Subject: Aircraft Problems & Solutions
Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2005 12:54:28 -0500

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the
solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.
----------------------------------
(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
----------------------------------------
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
----------------------------------------
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
----------------------------------------
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
----------------------------------------
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
----------------------------------------
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
----------------------------------------
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
----------------------------------------
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
----------------------------------------
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
----------------------------------------
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
----------------------------------------
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
----------------------------------------
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S. Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
----------------------------------------
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
----------------------------------------
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
----------------------------------------
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
 
By "IFF" they could just be talking about the transponder and the weather radar is sometimes referred to as the "target radar."

Jack
 
Now come on guys.

Bigscot was just passing on a funny that has been around for several years now,it's not like he composed it, and to tell the truth I got a kick out of hearing it again.

And there are mistakes in it but that is the same as the first time I saw it awhile back.

Sorry just couldn't keep my big mouth shut on this one.LOL
 
Quote:
By "IFF" they could just be talking about the transponder and the weather radar is sometimes referred to as the "target radar."

Jack



Makes sense. We've got contractors here from England and Australia and while they are speaking English words, heck if I can understand what they are talking about half the time.

Like that scene from Austin Powers Goldmember when he was talking to his father in "English English"
 
I've gotten this same email while I was in the Navy, but it was said that these came from Air Force gripe sheets. I just think its all fiction though, there have been so many varients to this that it's almost an urban legend. It's funny, but I don't think these are true gripes and solutions.
 
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