How can you tell???

canislatrans54

canislatrans54

New member
To be honest, this probably isn't a topic that I should bring up on the internet, but, since my family is involved, I can't talk to them...and I'm not sure I want to spend the money to ask a "counselor".

Since I spend so much time on here, I feel that a lot of you are like "extended family".

So, here goes......
If a family member doesn't live with you; you only see them maybe 2-3 times a month; and you're not certain they would tell you the truth anyway......
Are there any "real" ways to tell if someone is using drugs?
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I am at a loss.
Thirty years ago, I drank quite often, but was always very determined not to get suckered into drugs.
So, I have never used drugs myself, & never [knowingly] have had friends that have used them.

I have 3 adult sons, all in their 20's.
One of them recently, in private, told me that his older brother has a drug problem, and that's why he can't get along with him.
However, he has no physical proof he can show me. Only his "opinion". And I question that because since returning from Iraq 3 years ago, he has had a major attitude problem, has low self-esteem (although he pretends that he's super-confident), and thinks the world "owes" him.

So, I'm trying to figure out which brother actually may have the real problem, as the older one seems to have no problems, other than jumping from job to job.
 
Happy Birthday Will. You indeed have a problem my friend. First I would ask, have you personally seen any thing that would make you believe he has a drug problem or is it simply something brought up by the younger brother? Here's a link that may help http://www.helpguide.org/mental/drug_substance_abuse_addiction_signs_effects_treatment.htm

These signs can help but without an actual piss test you probably can't be sure and I'm sure thats not likely to happen at his age. I can tell you this, if it were me, and he is changing jobs frequently like you say, I would personally go to the ex employers and have a little frank discussion as a concerned Dad. They may be very helpful. Just a thought.
 
azmastablasta,
Thanks for the link.
No, I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary with the "accused" brother.
(Not keeping jobs has been a recurring thing for 4-5 years. He has had an isue of not waking up in the mornings ever since he was a kid. And, of course, employers understandably don't like to keep employees around that have attendance problems.)
I have spoken to those former employers who would agree to see me. Each of those I've talked with, have stated that he is a hard worker, & does his job well...when he actually comes to work.

The "drug addict" accusation, at this point, is just something that the younger brother has brought up...and only in private, with me.

To be honest, I 'm wondering if the younger brother is actually the one with the problem.

Knowing both of them, I know that unless it was ordered by a judge, neither would willingly take a piss test.
 
A sure sign is to follow the money trail. If they go through a lot of money with nothing to show there's a good chance it's going towards drugs. A family member of mine can go thru $500 a weekend, pays no bills and never has gas money, food or anything to show for his spending but to look at him he looks straight all the time.
 
There are signs that will tell on a drug user. First you have to evaluate his actions/moods. By doing so, and if he actually is using, you can at least maybe figure out what kind of drugs he is on. Obviously if he is smoking pot he won't be bouncing off the walls. If he is on any uppers he won't be sitting in a daze like he would if he was on downers. Once you get to that point you can start to narrow it down more by recognizing symptoms.

If you have any suspicions and need to talk to somebody about it don't hesitate to contact me. I was a heavy drug user when I was younger and have used pretty much everything besides acid. I got pretty good at recognizing the signs of drug users. Some people are really good at hiding them and it makes it really tough to prove they are using.

Best of luck to you and keep in mind that if he is on drugs you can't help him until he wants to help himself. My parents drove themselves crazy trying to get me off drugs but intil I wanted to quit there was absolutely nothing they could do about it and their constant efforts actually drove more of a wedge between us.
 
Another thing is to check out the crowd he runs with and see if any of those have been busted for drugs. Drug users usually hang together. The actions of his friends will tell you a lot.
 
A drug user can hide it pretty good if they want, up until it is too late and has taken over their life. Here are 2 things you can do:

1) Flat out ask him in a supportive fatherly way what is going on with being late and job hopping. Make sure the time is right where you both will have time for a meaningful conversation without distraction. By this I mean don't ask him in passing, don't ask as he's leaving after dinner and it is easy for him to shrug off the question. And if the first conversation doesn't go so well you can always bring it up again. Because you care.

2) Start to spend more time with him. This can help in several ways. It will show you care. Being there for him may allow him to open up. You will get to observe more and learn more about is personal life.

I would do these 2 things if it was me. Hopefully you guys share some passions for things like hunting, fishing, etc so you can spend time together doing these things.
 
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