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#1806030 - 01/20/11 04:03 PM What a Retired Man Does
Powerfisher Offline
Die Hard Member II

Registered: 03/19/10
Posts: 1790
Loc: Washington
After I retired, my wife insisted that I go with her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women-she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Applegate,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from our store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Applegate, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 14 boxes of Depends and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of yellow Gatorade on the floor leading to the restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away!" This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and then received a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the service desk and tried to put a bag on M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'Caution-Wet Floor' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed "Why can't you people just leave me alone!?" EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into a security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk to see some ammo and then asked where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna' look by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" One of the clerks fainted on the spot.

Thank you,
Target Management

Edited by Powerfisher (01/20/11 04:06 PM)
"Live to Shoot, Shoot to Live"
"Gun Control is being able to hit your target"

#1806346 - 01/20/11 07:41 PM Re: What a Retired Man Does [Re: Powerfisher]
Outwest1 Offline
Seasoned Member

Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 429
Loc: wy
that's good!

#1806636 - 01/20/11 09:44 PM Re: What a Retired Man Does [Re: Outwest1]
pdhunter Offline
Die Hard Member III

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 2336
Loc: Wheatland ,Wyoming
OK - Now you tell me I'm suppose to wait untill I retire to do all that. No wonder they got P****d !
Free dom is not free . Just ask a combat vet.
Thanks : Frank , Tiny , Chief , Cutter & Rat Hole. I'll
never forget.

#1807102 - 01/21/11 08:51 AM Re: What a Retired Man Does [Re: pdhunter]
PM senior

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 8755
Loc: behind the crosshairs
Thanks for the laugh that is funny.
Guns have ony 2 emenies- Rust and Politicians.

Wolves don't lose sleep, over the opinion's of sheep.

Carver Predator calls Prostaffer, Made in the USA!!

#1807438 - 01/21/11 12:41 PM Re: What a Retired Man Does [Re: BOBTAILS]
Vaughan Offline
Die Hard Member II

Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 1772
Loc: Kingston NY, FL
Please tell me thats a joke grin

Its not like i would ever do any of those things whistle

#1807452 - 01/21/11 12:59 PM Re: What a Retired Man Does [Re: Vaughan]
country boy Offline
Seasoned Member

Registered: 05/11/10
Posts: 141
Loc: Forney, Tx
Power, YOU DA MAN!!!!!!
Work to live, Live to HUNT!!!

#1807805 - 01/21/11 05:36 PM Re: What a Retired Man Does [Re: country boy]
Powerfisher Offline
Die Hard Member II

Registered: 03/19/10
Posts: 1790
Loc: Washington
No, its not me. It is a joke I had e-mailed to me. It sounds better from the first persons perspective. But, it did give me some ideas when I do have to go with my wife. Glad you liked it.

Edited by Powerfisher (01/21/11 05:36 PM)
"Live to Shoot, Shoot to Live"
"Gun Control is being able to hit your target"

#1808827 - 01/22/11 01:02 PM Re: What a Retired Man Does [Re: Powerfisher]
mark williams Offline
Seasoned Member

Registered: 12/20/09
Posts: 111
Loc: alabama
lol lol,Can't wait to go shopping with my wife. thumbup

#1811041 - 01/23/11 08:53 PM Re: What a Retired Man Does [Re: mark williams]
soundogshooter Offline
Seasoned Member

Registered: 12/13/10
Posts: 379
Loc: Roachdale,IN
Just a few of those will probably get me banned for life from shopping with the little woman.....Ya cant wait to try them. tongue


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